You want to visit Mom, but you know it's going to be difficult. Her memory isn't good, and it's difficult to carry on a conversation. Add to that the guilt you feel — about not wanting to go, about not going often enough, about letting her grow old — and your visit is bound to be an exercise in frustration. But a little preparation can ease a lot of pressure. Here are some ideas:
- Ask a family member or pastor to join you. That way you won't have to be solely responsible to keep the conversation going.
- Plan your visit during a scheduled activity that you and your loved one can participate in together.
- Use your time to help with some daily tasks, like opening mail or watering the plants.
- Before your visit, call a friend or family member who lives out of town and ask questions about what he or she has been doing. Then relay that information to your loved one during your visit.
- Talk about your children — bring them with if possible! Or talk about kids in your neighborhood or church.
- Ask for advice — how to fix something, where to plant something, how to deal with a difficult co-worker, where to go on vacation, etc. It's a great way to make your loved one feel involved and valued.
- Ask about favorites — food, color, music, restaurant, movie, recipe, season, holiday, animal, day of the week, job, sport, book, etc. Share your own favorites too!
- Give yourself permission to make it a short visit, less than 30 minutes. It's not the amount of time that matters; it's the time itself. You might even feel that you can visit more often if the visits are shorter.
These are just eight ideas to get you started. For more tips — including conversation starters — visit the page on our website: Tips for Visiting a Loved One.
